The number one killer of motivation and goals is low self esteem. Overcoming low self esteem is important, and best done by keeping a positive self image. To do that lets discuss how low self esteem can occur and what to do about it.
Negative self esteem is based on emotion
To build self esteem is to change how you feel about yourself emotionally. This means changing some core beliefs you hold about yourself. This also means changing from external validation to internal validation for self worth. The first belief that needs changing is one of believing you’re not good enough. The second being your belief in what you should have accomplished, or how successful you should be right now.
Perfection image is the cause of low self esteem
When your mind thinks about the image of success that you think you “should be” it will generate happy emotions. This is your own personal picture of perfection. The mind then compares your picture of perfection with your current self image. This leads to a comparison which results in you rejecting yourself for not living up to that picture of perfection. This rejection then leads to you feeling unworthy, which then sets off the low self esteem.
This picture of perfection may appear to be a way for us to feel good about who we are, however it is really what makes us reject who we are and believe we are not good enough. This is what low self esteem really is. When this belief comes into play we begin seeking validation in things outside of us. If we aren’t good enough as we are then maybe if I’m with this person, do this drug, am this career, etc. I’ll be good enough. So if you were to rid yourself of this picture of perfection you would also remove these feelings of unworthiness.
Feeling confident simply means not rejecting self
While this approach may seem contrary to our logic, building self esteem is really that simple. The reason your mind thinks its incorrect is because you are under the impression that it is something you must go out and find, something you don’t have. This is part of the external validation seeking. It is also in part due to our mind being programmed to obtaining feelings of happiness, contentment, and the like. Our mind thinks that when it attains this picture of perfection that it will attain a new emotional level.
What its not telling you is that nothing is going to be any different about you then that you don’t already have, or believe you don’t have. If you do attain this picture of perfection your confidence, self esteem, and lack of belief in yourself are all going to be the same. In the moment of attaining the goal you may have an increase, however its not going to remove the underlying cause of your self hate. As long as this belief exists nothing you do will measure up. You may make it to 10th in the world and still feel a failure. This is because your external seeking makes love, self acceptance, joy, fulfillment, and confidence all dependant on the attainment of that picture of perfection. This can be the problem you run into when you are setting goals, set them high just don’t see yourself as a failure because you aren’t “there yet”.
Change your brain change your life
Removing the second belief that you are not good enough or inadequate as you are, are creating all the insecurity, anxiety, and fear in your life. Your emotions are the result of these underlying core beliefs. Luckily this belief is nothing more than an illusion, or creation of our imagination. It is an image created by the mind that we aren’t good enough to attain the picture of perfection. One way towards removing these feelings is to recognize that this illusion or image of inadequacy is not who we are. It is our false self that the mind wants you to believe in. The real you is actually looking in on the mind and can visualize this “false self” and decide not to believe in it. Having this awareness is the first step towards helping clear up this core belief.
As you break your belief in this picture of perfection, it will become much easier to clear up the “not good enough as I am” image. This is made easier because there is no longer any constant comparison to reinforce this “false self” image.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste
Most of us are unaware of how our mind works. Rather than viewing ourselves as the image in our mind, recognize it is you that is creating those images. Be aware that you are the one creating the images and not the image itself. Not being aware of this little fact leads many to failed efforts of overcoming low self esteem. This happens fairly often as people try to build self esteem by becoming the picture of perfection. They are actually reinforcing the belief that they should be that false self. This leads to an even stronger means of self rejection. Through awareness you will be able to spend time on the things that really make you feel good and recognize your true self, releasing the confidence that is you.
Overcoming Insecurity And Low Self Esteem
To really change your life, particularly emotionally, starts with being aware of your beliefs, and the thoughts they generate in the mind. The next step is to change your core beliefs.
Being in tune with the way your mind works can help you in overcoming low self esteem and anxiety. By changing some of these smaller thoughts and beliefs you will change the emotions you have. After changing a few of the smaller ones you will be able to change bigger and bigger ones. This will lead to a fuller, more emotionally stable life.